In a time where almost anything can be customized and delivered, relationships still require work. This usually means weeding out those who are not right. Spotting problems early and extricating from sticky entanglements frees one up to seek the right person. Even smart people can be tricked into believing certain truisms about potential boyfriends. They need to accurately identify problem people and the trouble they can cause.
"He's the strong silent type."
This phrase suffuses conversations and media about the man who stays quiet in the face of almost everything. An important caveat to this centers around the idea of "strong" and "silent" being mutually exclusive. Not everyone who is strong is quietly contemplative. Therefore, not everyone who holds his tongue proves the strongest in the room. Silence can breed uncertainty and leave too much open to interpretation. Quiet waters can run deep, but it does not mean they are listening.
"He doesn't meet a stranger."
This guy fills all the space with words. While this removes the conversational burden, an endless conversationalist may say far less than it appears. The tendency is to believe this type of man is rare given the archetype of the quiet men. Fortunately, variety abounds meaning there are Chandler Bings, full of nervous conversation, as there are men of few words. The disadvantage of these men centers around them not providing space for others to share and absorbing the information when it is their turn to listen.
"He's always making us laugh."
A sunny outlook and quick wit can make times light. This outlook proves necessary when things become too serious. One of the greatest challenges for men like this comes from turning off their humorous side. When they respond with a joke during a serious time, it undercuts the importance of what is happening. They sometimes chose to use humor to distance themselves from what they are feeling, so it creates rifts causing unspoken topics to grow and become more difficult to uncover.
"He's so mature."
Depending on the history, a guy who projects a mature demeanor can be refreshing. He comes across as stable. This archetype might have been more evident in the past where everyone wore suits and drank scotch with perpetual frowns. The bad news is these guys still exist. They may wear ironic t shirts, but they still see everything as critical. This may start as a world view before morphing into specifics about themselves and their partners. It can be difficult to find the fun of dating with this person despite the good head he has on shoulders.
"He knows what he wants and is decisive."
In this day and age of compliance, a man who speaks directly may seem refreshing. The charm of a man who comes across in this way exists in contrast to others who appear too sensitive or timid. Unfortunately, decisive can become demanding to the point of not taking in the concerns of others. These behaviors bubble up early in very subtle ways including the way they treat people in service positions, conflicts escalating from no where and ending discussion when not getting what they want.
Going through each candidate, they all have aspects making them a good partner. Silent allows space for conversation. Talkative shares what is going on. The comic keeps the mood light. So serious follows deeper topics. Even aggressive possess the positive attribute of making decisions. The ideal boyfriend will have a variety aspects and know when each one should present itself. The reward rests in finding the one that listens, shares, laughs, contemplates and defends in the right way for you.